Do you feel like your marriage is going through a crisis? Do you want to prevent your children from suffering from your problems with your partner? Do you want to find a solution and give your marriage a new opportunity?
- Commitment – Although it seems obvious, couples who fail to save their marriage are usually those who are not committed to making it work.
Would you give up your motherhood, would you give up your fatherhood? That is, would you ignore your children and would no longer be their mother or father? Well, no, or at least the vast majority with a minimum of responsibility and humanity, I think it would not, much less after having enjoyed a time of love with your children.
2. Close your escape routes – Couples in crisis are generally focused on activities that distract them from their problems, anything but their marriage. Among them, they can be:
- Social networks
- Take care of the children
An essential step to improve the relationship is to see if these activities have become substitutes for the search for excitement and completeness of marriage. If so, close these escape routes and only give them the importance and time they deserve; Put more energy where it’s really needed: in your relationship.
3. Detoxify your marriage – Eliminate all kinds of aggression towards your partner. Nicknames, name-calling, blaming, shaming, will only make your relationship more toxic. Outbursts of anger drive away from the love and trust of the couple. Instead, take responsibility for your feelings and your frustration, focusing on why your partner’s action affects you. Replace the “you” of “you always do that” with the “I” of “how I feel when …”
That is, eliminate you are always late from work in front of watching TV, and you are inconsiderate by:
Eliminate him as soon as I get home, and YOU always start to claim me to criticize me for making my life impossible. When I come home and reproach me, I feel misunderstood, neglected.
Finally, learn to ask for what you want
When I come home and reproach me, I feel misunderstood, neglected, and it would help me a lot if, when I get home, you give me about 15 minutes, so I can recover from my workday, and from there, I can help you with whatever you need.
Detoxifying your marriage not only helps to get the poison out of the relationship, but it will also make your partner much more willing to meet your own needs.
4. Enter the world of the other.– Your partner has likes, preferences, ways of seeing the world, and, therefore, his or her own ideas about how to be happy. Understand and respect that. He or she does not have to use your ways of seeking happiness, he has his own, and it would be selfish, to expect our partner to seek his happiness, with our methods, or leave his happiness aside, to “make us happy.”
Obviously, you can agree on what and how much you can do for each other, but that is negotiated, not imposed.