4 Essential Steps To Save Your Marriage

Do you feel like your marriage is going through a crisis? Do you want to prevent your children from suffering from your problems with your partner? Do you want to find a solution and give your marriage a new opportunity?

  1. Commitment – Although it seems obvious, couples who fail to save their marriage are usually those who are not committed to making it work. 

Would you give up your motherhood, would you give up your fatherhood? That is, would you ignore your children and would no longer be their mother or father? Well, no, or at least the vast majority with a minimum of responsibility and humanity, I think it would not, much less after having enjoyed a time of love with your children.

2. Close your escape routes – Couples in crisis are generally focused on activities that distract them from their problems, anything but their marriage. Among them, they can be:

  • Work
  • Exercise
  • Over-feeding
  • Social networks
  • Take care of the children

An essential step to improve the relationship is to see if these activities have become substitutes for the search for excitement and completeness of marriage. If so, close these escape routes and only give them the importance and time they deserve; Put more energy where it’s really needed: in your relationship.

3. Detoxify your marriage – Eliminate all kinds of aggression towards your partner. Nicknames, name-calling, blaming, shaming, will only make your relationship more toxic. Outbursts of anger drive away from the love and trust of the couple. Instead, take responsibility for your feelings and your frustration, focusing on why your partner’s action affects you. Replace the “you” of “you always do that” with the “I” of “how I feel when …”

That is, eliminate you are always late from work in front of watching TV, and you are inconsiderate by:

Eliminate him as soon as I get home, and YOU always start to claim me to criticize me for making my life impossible. When I come home and reproach me, I feel misunderstood, neglected.

Finally, learn to ask for what you want

When I come home and reproach me, I feel misunderstood, neglected, and it would help me a lot if, when I get home, you give me about 15 minutes, so I can recover from my workday, and from there, I can help you with whatever you need.

Detoxifying your marriage not only helps to get the poison out of the relationship, but it will also make your partner much more willing to meet your own needs.

4. Enter the world of the other.– Your partner has likes, preferences, ways of seeing the world, and, therefore, his or her own ideas about how to be happy. Understand and respect that. He or she does not have to use your ways of seeking happiness, he has his own, and it would be selfish, to expect our partner to seek his happiness, with our methods, or leave his happiness aside, to “make us happy.”

Obviously, you can agree on what and how much you can do for each other, but that is negotiated, not imposed.

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Divorce: How Much Does It Affect My Child?

Does divorce really affect children? We show you the repercussions that can occur in the child when a divorce process occurs.

Many parents have many fears about what may happen after a separation or divorce. There are many doubts. However, among the many questions I receive, the most common are:

  • If they will have irreversible trauma
  • If it will mark them for life
  • If it will affect your academic performance
  • If it will cause them serious emotional problems
  • If it will affect your safety

Was your appetite taken away? This may very well happen to the child. Did you have trouble sleeping? Were you more prone or prone to react impulsively? The child, too, their behaviors could range from frequent crying to physical aggressiveness. Did you want to lock yourself up and not socialize? The child may also exhibit inhibitory behavior after the divorce.

And so there are many more examples, what you suffered, the child can also suffer, but in a more intense way, due to his condition as a child.

Mind you, and if apart from what we have explained, we take into account that, because they are children, they tend to fantasize too much and among those fantasies, it is very, very likely that they blame themselves for the separation from the parents, imagine how much it will affect their self-esteem later of divorce, how much will it affect you to believe that it was your fault that your parents separated? And the low self-esteem in the child influences in a very important way in almost all areas of his life

Following the same reasoning, if a child grows up in a home of separated parents, when he is an adult, will it be easier or more difficult for him to take the option of separation or divorce, in the face of marital difficulties, compared to the person who grew up in a home with both parents? Answer yourselves.

Believe me, and there are people who don’t even take divorce as an option given everything they have learned at home.a

How To Save My Marriage

How to save a destroyed marriage? To tackle problems with your partner and try to find a solution, we propose five essential aspects:

  1. Analyze your marriage. Find out what is wrong; why is it wrong? What is the reason or reasons? And once the reasons are found, think, do they have a solution? What can each do to improve your marriage? And above all, are you willing to make these changes?
  2. Increase communication (both in quantity and quality). Good communication is basic for any type of relationship, and this is not only about expressing your feelings and needs assertively, but also actively listening to the other person, with the will to understand and help you.
  3. Get out of the routine. And from your house. Monotony is like a silent virus that infects the relationship without you noticing. It is advisable to fight it from time to time with a getaway, little trip, excursion … Also, spending that time together outside of your usual routine will help you strengthen the bond between you. In the following article, you can see how to get out of the comfort zone in a relationship.
  4. Fan the passion. But don’t go to a hotel … but they tell you to go to a hotel! Because here it is also about breaking the routine.
  5. Couple therapy. Going to a specialist on time may be the best solution since it will guide you in your particular case and will be able to advise you on what is best for you.

How to save my marriage if he doesn’t want or she doesn’t want

The most common reason for marital breakdowns is a lack of communication or understanding, which is why advice number 2 in the previous section is so important and should not be underestimated. If you notice that something is wrong in your relationship and the other member of the couple is in passive mode, with no intention of trying to fix it: take the initiative.

If you are wondering how to save a marriage in crisis, first, use tips 1 and 2: contact your partner to find out how she perceives your relationship, what she thinks is wrong, what should change, etc. Then start to really make those changes. If, after a while, you continue with the passive attitude from the beginning, consider yourself well if you really want to continue with the relationship, because in the end, a marriage is a thing or two, and you should work and feel comfortable both members. If you just try to save your marriage, it surely won’t be enough.